July 10, 2017

THINGS YOU DON’T HEAR ANYMORE

It enlightened me to learn I was actually classified in the generational group nicknamed “The Silent Generation”. Baby Boomers, Generation X, Millennials and anyone beyond that have never heard any of the following quotes and simply will not understand a single one but here’s hoping some of you will remember and smile.

• Be sure to refill the ice trays, we’re going to have company.
• Watch for the postman, I want to get this letter to Willie in the mail today.
• Quit slamming the screen door when you go out!
• Be sure and pull the windows down when you leave, it looks like a shower is coming up.
• Don’t forget to wind the clock before you go to bed.
• Wash your feet before you go to bed, you’ve been playing outside all day barefooted.
• Why can’t you remember to roll up your britches legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up.
• You have torn the knees out of that pair of pants so many times there is nothing left to put a patch on.
• Don’t you go outside with your school clothes on!
• Go comb your hair; it looks like the rats have nested in it all night.
• Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle.
• Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won’t have to pay a deposit on another one.
• Put a dishtowel over the cake so the flies won’t get on it.
• Quit jumping on the floor! I have a cake in the oven and you are going to make it fall if you don’t quit!
• You boys stay close by, the car may not start and I will need you to help push it off.
• There’s a dollar in my purse, get 5 gallons of gas when you go to town.
• Open the back door and see if we can get a breeze through here, it is getting hot.
• Don’t sit too close to the TV. It is hard on your eyes.
• If you pull that stunt again, I am going to wear you out!
• Don’t lose that button; I’ll sew it back on after awhile.
• Wash under your neck before you come to the table, you have beads of dirt and sweat all under there.
• Get out from under the sewing machine; pumping it messes up the thread!
• Be sure and fill the lamps this morning so we don’t have to do that tonight in the dark.
• Here, take this old magazine to the toilet with you when you go, we are almost out of paper out there…
• Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes.
• Don’t turn the radio on now, I want the battery to be up when the Grand Ole Opry comes on.
• No! I don’t have 10 cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?
• Eat those turnips, they’ll make you big and strong like your daddy.
• That dog is NOT coming in this house! I don’t care how cold it is out there, dogs don’t stay in the house.
• Sit still! I’m trying to get your hair cut straight and you keep moving and it is all messed up.
• Hush your mouth! I don’t want to hear words like that! I’ll wash your mouth out with soap!
• It is time for your system to be cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight.
• If you get a spanking in school and I find out about it, you’ll get another one when you get home.
• Quit crossing your eyes! They will get stuck that way!
• Soak your foot in this pan of kerosene so that bad cut won’t get infected.

So that you won’t have to read more columns like this, please send me news or come see us …round the table.